There Should Be A Card For That: Word-less

I wanted you to know how much you are loved and cared for, and that I will do everything I can to support you. But I didn't know how to tell you, so I looked for a card that would say it for me.

This was the best I could find.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

There Should Be A Card For That: Fear

Fear creeps in like shadows,

   threatening to engulf with darkness

     everything

        you love

        you care about

        that matters

     you.

I'll bring a candle and stand with you

    against the darkness.

There Should Be A Card For That: Pain and Scars

It is not the painful experiences themselves that scar us, but rather it is going through those experiences alone. I want you to know, I have no intentions of leaving you to go through this alone.

There Should Be A Card For That: Silence

Words cannot express how I want to share your hurt and pain, your grief and sorrow, your anger and loss. So I'm going to be here in every other way I can, in silent companionship.

And if the day ever comes that you want to talk, to try and put into words what you're going through, I'll be here then, too.

There Should Be A Card For That: Broken Dreams

Life Isn't Fair (And That Sucks)

I heard that Life doesn't seem to be working out the way you had hoped, that you just found out that the dreams you had for yourself (for your family) won't come true. No one ever said life was fair, but I guess we always hope it will be. I wanted you to know that I'll be there with you in this, even just to sit with you in the ashes of your broken dreams.

Job 2:13 "Then they sat on the ground with [Job] for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was."

There Should Be A Card For That: Home Strife

Trouble at Home

Marriages are sacred, and so are the homes and families that they build. If only that meant they were easy, but as the trite saying goes "Nothing worth doing is easy." My heart breaks to hear that yours are in trouble. Know that I hope and pray in every way I can that you and yours are able to sort this out. Know that you aren't the first to go through this, and unfortunately not the last.

I hope you will let me help you find someone who's weathered the storm, so we can grow together and avoid other losses (or casualties? or hurts?).

There Should Be A Card For That: Bad Relationships

See The Pattern? (To a Woman)

You've said it before: "Why do all the guys I like end up treating me like this?" You'll probably say it again. And I wonder how long it will be before you wonder why you keeping choosing those guys. Sometimes the best thing to do to break a pattern, is to try something different.

So try this: Dump this guy before you get hurt.

See The Pattern? (To a Man)

You've said it before: "Why do all the girls I like end up treating me like this?" You'll probably say it again. And I wonder how long it will be before you wonder why you keeping choosing those ladies. Sometimes the best thing to do to break a pattern, is to try something different.

So try this: Dump this girl before you get hurt.

There Should Be A Card For That: Secrets

Secrets Can Be Deadly

Like an undiagnosed cancer, secrets can slowly kill you and your relationships without anyone knowing what's going on. Airing them out is sometimes the only cure. I can't promise an easy solution, but I can promise to be your friend, to listen, and to do whatever I can to help.

I also promise to help you find a good counselor. And that if I screw this up, I'll let you kick me where it counts.

There Should Be A Card For That: Abandoned

Life Handed Me Lemons

Sorry that Life has thrown me some serious lemons lately. I had hoped you would support me and help me make lemonade out of them, but I guess they were too tart for you.

Here's a glass, so we can drink to the end of our friendship.

There Should Be A Card For That: Perinatal Loss

Empty Arms

We anticipated sharing your joy, holding your baby, delighting in new life.
Instead we share your grief, and your empty arms, as we mourn unexpected death.

Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Cards that don't exist

Today one of the chaplains said something close to this:

We don't have rituals and hallmark cards for when someone finds out that life is not going to go the way that she or he had planned, hoped, or imagined.

She said it in talking about chronic illness, how it changes our future, forces us to create a "new normal," and in general takes away our dreams of the future. We have rituals for many life events and transitions: funerals, weddings, baby showers, wakes, birthday parties. And we have cards for those too. But we don't generally have rituals or cards for "Sorry life turned out to be a bummer. Sorry those pretty standard dreams got suddenly dashed."

So I posted that quote to Facebook, and concluded with my friends that someone should make cards for that. So on occasion, I may post something that there should be a card for. Sometimes it may just be the event, or sentiment. Sometimes it may be most of the card. Sometimes serious, sometimes snarky. But they will be things that I wonder, what would happen if someone got a card for that? What if someone actually could find that card to send to someone?

Pain and Scars

Luta and I watched a webinar earlier in the week on "Loving someone who is infertile." It was a talk from two ladies, one who struggled with infertility and her friend who helped her through it. One was a psychologist, and they've written a book on the subject. Mostly it was about what to say and not to say, what to do and not to do, and some of the special needs and struggles that women fighting infertility go through. One quote in particular struck me:

It's not physical or emotional pain that will scar her; it's going through that pain alone.

I think this is true of many painful situations, and part of my role as a chaplain is to help people not be as alone in the things they go through. But certain things are very hard to share, often because it doesn't seem socially acceptable to do so. Miscarriages and infertility seem to fall into that category, and therefore we have often felt alone as we have struggled through this process.

This morning on Post Secret I saw this:




I was surprised to run into such a similar sentiment so soon. And I was struck by how hard it is to bring up a secret and share it with someone, but how freeing it can be if I manage to find someone I can share with.

A Poem

I read this in The Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling, and loved it. I have felt this way with some patients.

help yourself, lady (and forgive me for saying so)

by W. H. Shirk

she can't stop smoking

she can't lose weight

her lungs are rotten

her heart is rotten

she is too sick to operate on

and too sick to go home

her children have contempt for her

her husband is prone to strokes

her first husband beat her

I guess it's her placid smile

or her complacency or her

expectations that I or anyone else

can straighten out her crookedness

independent of any effort on her part

or maybe it's because she is my

tenth visit in a long afternoon

but God I am sick of this woman

bless her and please keep her

I have to go home now.